i’ve never felt anything quite so strongly
as when I laid my eyes on you
and like children tugging at my shirt,
screaming mommy! mommy! i pushed down
i knew you were scared – is scared even a substantial enough
word for what you were?
petrified – yes, now we’re getting somewhere.
mortified to express yourself
that I might judge the very nature for which
i have come to adore you!
that I might revel in embarrassing your appetites
your ability to muffle your reality
in favor of making me happy
and disappearing into my happiness.
i wanted to be your
but without all the pain
and anguish and difficulties
of anyone that’s come before us.
and little did i know the home you had
built before us.
the life you were living
when i wasn’t around.
and the man you were to the femme
who came before me.
i swallowed my: pride
i swallowed your sins
i swallowed your skin
i gargled your nothingness
to multiply it
was full of your righteous lying stubborn beautiful
then i spit.